A letter for my PND baby,

A letter for my PND baby,

Dear Indiana my little post natal baby,

 

I counted down the minutes for your arrival

I kissed your scan picture good night

Delilah and I cuddled your bump

I counted your kicks to check you was alright

 

I set up and your nursery and put together your stroller

We went to the scan to find out your gender

We was so prepared for your entrance into the world

We was all set for our fourth family member

 

I wasn’t ready for the sadness

I wasn’t ready for the tears

I wasn’t ready to pick you up

Or kiss your tiny ears

 

I didn’t understand why I was so unhappy

Why I couldn’t stop crying so loud

All I wanted to do was enjoy you and make memories

But instead there a gloomy cloud

 

I took my pills and talked it over

11 Months have passed and i’m finely battling through

I love you forever and always,

My little baby boy blue.

 

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A day out to the Riverhall Himalayan Gardens, Sevenoaks

A day out to the Riverhall Himalayan Gardens, Sevenoaks

When you have two children under two you’d think that finding different places to spend the day would be easy (oh how I was wrong) but without venturing up to the big smoke things can be really tricky. Also for my own sanity if I have to keep visiting the local park anymore than twice a week I think I’ll end up having some kind of mental breakdown. There are only so many times you can make small chat with fellow mums and take boomerang videos (you know the ones plastered all over everyone’s Instagram of your toddler going down the slide. We all do it, you know it, I know it. I’m guilty).

As a rule I’m not a very tolerable person. If employees are rude i’m not likely to rush back to spend my pennies (mamas on a budget of course!). I live in Kent (broken applause) and sometimes I forget what a beautiful area it is. So with the kids Nan and I took them to visit the Riverhall Himalayan Gardens which is located in Sevonoaks. I usually reserve judgement of new places but blow me down I actually had a laugh. And we only had 1 tantrum from Delilah (small victories count when you have a drama lama for a daughter).

We ventured around the den building area where Delilah explored and created her own little space whilst Nan and I enjoyed a nice walk pushing Indie in the buggy, up by the bluebells it was very hilly and bumpy so make sure you have your mountain style buggies with you. (I admit I forgot my bungee cords and campfire building set but luckily all it took was some sturdy pairs of wheels.) It was so lovely to get Indie out and let him enjoy the fresh air and it allowed Delilah to burn off that forever lasting energy (where the hell does it come from?!). Also if you keep your eyes peeled in the summer holidays and weekends (around 2-4pm) you might even spot the Yeti! Let’s all be honest though, that poor bloke or woman cavorting around in that costume just after midday is definitely not being paid enough. We salute you Yeti-thing.

The adventure playground was in another league in comparison to the local swings and to see Delilah’s little face light up in excitement was unreal. Even I got a little bit excited seeing some of it, and I’m not ashamed to admit how many kids I ran past aiming for the HUGE slide myself. We felt safe for Delilah to run free in the play area and just go crazy! There was also plenty of benches for you to have a pit stop and scroll through Instagram and pretend that you aren’t completely counting down the very last minutes until bed time so you can catch up on Hollyoaks. JUDGE ME SEE IF I GIVE A FFFFF.

We took a stop around the Himalayan hedge maze (mainly for me and my obsession of mazes). I was hoping to “accidentally” lose the kids in the maze just for like, a minute, to get a break. No chance. Delilah was this crazy ninja blur, only occasionally stopping to scream “MUM” in my face before tearing off down some other twists and turns. One can dream. (disclaimer I love my children, i’m just honest).

Entry was really affordable at £8.25 for an adult ticket and under fours free (loud applause) it was a bargain! They also offer season tickets which I recommend if you loved it as much as we did. Dogs are welcome also and I recommend wearing sensible shoes but if you forget they have a delightful selection of wellies that other people have worn you can borrow for free. I’m now lost in my own mind imagining an entire family inside the ticket area going “OH NO. OUR SHOES! WE HAVE FORGOTTEN THEM!”, laughing at each other’s socks. That’s when the wellies are produced and we all get the same sinking feeling whenever we visited a bowling alley as youngsters. Errrrrm….no thanks. I’ll go barefoot. Be one with nature and all that.

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At the moment they are running a bluebell walk which is absolutely stunning. Bluebells are really special to me because I used to go for walks with my granddad behind their house and pick bunches of them and bring them home for my Nan. Since he died I’ve always felt a special connection to them and it reminds me of a happy memory. We met up with photographer and good pal Emily Brown took who some snaps of me and the kids. It created a beautiful backdrop for the pictures which went STRAIGHT on my Instagram (thank you!). Emily took my lovely maternity shot and was and still is fabulous to work with. She is so good at getting the children to engage with her and enjoy it as well, nothings a chore for her not even a stroppy Delilah! I truly recommend her for nice natural photos especially if you are like me and dislike the whole cringe matching denim tops posed family portraits. She actually takes a decent picture of you and your little monsters looking, well, not like monsters.

By the end of shoot the kids had had enough and weren’t playing ball because lunch time was approaching. Delilah was rubbing her belly yelling “I HUNGRY MUMMA!”. She is indeed her mother’s daughter. We took a break in the Riverhall Cafe where mine and Nan’s eyes lit up once we saw the selection of home made cakes and scones. My diet briefly went out the door at this point and we snacked on cake and coffee whilst the kids munched down. Silence lasted an entire ten minutes and it was GOLDEN. But if you want to bring your own picnic spread there are tons of picnic benches and good spots to bring a blanket with you.

They also provided free water for everyone (including dogs!) and next to the cafe they had a wendy house with activities and toys for kids which was so ideal. They had a little shop as well of really cool little things where I had to physically restrain myself from grabbing armloads of cutesy shop-junk and haul it over to the till.

Overall, 10/10 day. Spot on. What matters really is my kids had fun, and I had fun. Sometimes you forget as a parent what it means to “have fun”. You have to sit back, take the piss a bit and enjoy the little things. Like stank wellies, and beautiful bluebells.

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Edited by Ellie Jones- contact us for any editing needs. 

This post is for Riverhall Himalayan Gardens and Emily Brown photography and the opinions in the post are all of my own.

A day out at Kent Life

A day out at Kent Life

Hello everyone!
So I’m terrible at starting posts, how do I start?! “Hello”?!
“Soooo…”?!
“Hey it’s Nicole” (if you’ve seen these videos you’ll know)

Anyway, I actually wrote out a whole post about things I was stressed about. Then when I went to check it over and get it edited I realised how horrendously boring it was to read about me bitching and whining. When really we have each other’s backs as friends, mothers, sisters… in hind sight aren’t THAT bad.

So to cheer us up and after missing my Nan soooo much when she was away we spent the day out at Kent Life in Maidstone!

When we got there we had some lunch at Dotties cafe which can only be described as the cutest tea room ever! They did gluten free bread so Indie was sorted.

We petted and fed the animals…

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We went on a tractor ride!

We ate ice cream!

We played in the outdoor play area, climbed, ran, jumped and had a great adventure.

For one day I didn’t think of anything stressful, I didn’t feel depressed… I just enjoyed my children. Got to take pictures of them, play with them, feed the animals. I had a good day.

It was such a good day that the fact Delilah threw so many tantrums it was unreal! And she also found a dummy and I couldn’t prize the fucking thing off of her for love nor money so upside smiley emojis all the way.

If you can take one good day then the rest don’t really matter. We are in this together mummas. Stay strong.

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

Delilahs outfit is from Gap America (last years) and her socks & ribbon were purchased at Dagenham Market.

Indianas outfit is for Little Bird and Mothercare (this seasons).

The buggy is my spare car buggy and it’s a Mothercare Nanu. Which I have to say is a great stroller and good value for money.

Editing Ellie Jones- contact us for any AWESOME, WELL-PUNCTUATED, HARD GRAMMATICALLY-CORRECTED EDITS👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻💯💯💯💯

Guest blogger- Lucie from www.mamjustbreathe.wordpress.com

Guest blogger- Lucie from www.mamjustbreathe.wordpress.com

Lucie has just started in the world of blogging and her first entry is being guest appeared on Mummy Deer. WELCOME LUCIE.

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I’m Lucie and I’m 32, living in Cornwall. Lover and mama to one beautiful specimen who forgot how to breathe and just be.

A week ago I sat in CDG airport in Paris, without my bebe but with my lover; I sat in the departure lounge silently patting myself on the back.

If you would have told me three years ago that this would be possible, I would have laughed, primarily at you for even suggesting this and secondly at myself for the state I was in.

Three years ago I was trapped, trapped within my parents’ house, trapped within myself holding a six month old bebe.

I sat on my parents sofa, frozen in time, crying; my parents questioning the  ‘baby blues’ to which we all believed that what I was experiencing was a natural feeling for all first time mothers.

Truth be told, eight weeks before my due date, my parents and I packed my bags and left the house I was sharing with daughters father. Fast forward six months in and I was finally coming to the terms of bringing up a child all on my own. Overcome with responsibility, guilt and personal inadequacies I sunk into a deep hole of crippling anxiety.

Anxiety was not a new friend to me; I welcomed it into my life in my late teens following secondary school bullying, shitty boyfriends and a few too many bad choices. Despite my amazing childhood that my parents had provided for me; it simply wasn’t enough; or more to the point I wasn’t.

I assumed that my ‘magical’ pregnancy would wave goodbye to my demons, turned out they were lying dormant waiting for the most opportune moment to strike.

Fast forward to the present and I am finding that the more mothers that I cross paths with is that this is extremely common; and many, many birthing stories aren’t picture perfect. Not quite the classic ‘one born every minute’ episode and after experiencing this life changing moment, mentally, physically and psychologically we as mothers are drained; and how can we turn to someone and ask for help when selfishly we have been granted with the most perfect creation: our child.

Once when I reached out for help, I was told to look at what I had and realise that what you have is more than enough; to hear what I was experiencing was ‘alien’ and shouldn’t be happening as I had been blessed. If only it were that simple; I could see a beautiful bebe, I could also see fear, guilt and people’s opinions on my forthcoming judgements and child rearing abilities.

Anxiety and depression within pregnancy and post birth can strike; I painted my face in clown make up, I slathered my face in a ‘show’ smile. Ironically I hate clowns, funny though I feel like the last three years I have been trying to remove my stage makeup and hang up my bowler’s hat, gregarious iconic outfit and exit the circus tent.

I found solace in endless cups of coffee, laughing with my mother and my best friend sending me endless love via a postcard.

All I needed was a  vent; a blank page, possibly an ear, time and a mirror. My dads theory; a mirror.  ‘Get in front of that mirror’. That god damn mirror, the mirror to stand tall in; to take a look at your miraculous self and tell yourself out loud that today, just today, as tony would say you are grrrrrrreat.

Once you realise that what you feel and write down is not the end of the world, it’s actually not that bad and neither are you.

Love Lucie x

follow and subscribe to Lucie at http://www.mamajustbreathe.wordpress.com

If you are interested in featuring as a guest blogger please contact me via email at sophieakamumydeer@gmail.com

Mum guilt poorliness

Mum guilt poorliness

To all male friends and family. Stop
Reading now. NOW!
Being poorly is never fun but it’s not until you have children whilst being poorly that you long for a day off work tucked up in bed watching Netflix, having naps and not getting out your PJs like the ‘good ol days’. It’s more of a put the kids in front of Ben and Hollys little kingdom and hope they don’t moan whilst you die on the sofa counting down the minutes until your partner gets home.

If anyone didn’t know I have PCOS. It’s not fun and comes with some shitty side affects. But after having the kids I’ve not really suffered much until just after Indiana where I didn’t have a period until March. I did a pregnancy test and prayed for them couple of minutes that I wasn’t pregnant again…. negative, Hmmm? So where’s this period? In that time I went to the doctors 4 times and I barely got anything and got the conclusion that I was stressed and overweight. (This was a main reason for my diet). And then in March my period returned, very angrily. *pre warning this is going to get to the nitty gritty* it was soooo heavy with lots of clots. But in true Mum style fashion I just had to get on with it.

Four weeks passed and there was not much letting up and it was starting to make me very dizzy and queasy. I went to the gym on Thursday for spinning and I came home and fainted, I was also violently sick and went to bed very early. Things weren’t getting much better but then on Sunday I couldn’t stand up without loosing a ton of blood. It was horrendous. I was wearing a tampon and towel and it was still going to my ankles. I was getting freaked out so I called my mum who said to go to bed and sleep it off.

Pat took the kids on an egg hunt and sent me to bed to rest, I tried but then I had another bad show. At this point my home was looking like a scene from Saw and I couldn’t carry on. I called 111 who got me an ambulance and was blue lighted to hospital. I had a drip and was in a bed lined with a lot of towels! After blood tests and six hours wait for the doctor I was given medication to stop the bleeding and it was concluding I wasn’t having a miscarriage but one of the consequences of having PCOS.

I have to rest up for five days to get over it and (hopefully) stop the bleeding. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that you have to put yourself first sometimes, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before anyone else’s on a plane for a reason. Being a Mum isn’t an excuse to neglect yourself and especially your health, last night everyone who I saw kept saying “why didn’t you seek medical attention sooner?!” When in honesty I didn’t want to be poorly, I didn’t have the time or people around me to deal with it.

It’s made us really driven to move closer to family and friends. But I’m very thankful to Pat for taking care of the kids and holding down the fort, also for the horrendous cleaning and washing jobs he had to do. Soz about that.

Also Delilah asked “where mummy gone?” And Pat had to tell her that I’d gone to the shops *cries everywhere*
Will hopefully be better soon!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

20 things about me

20 things about me

After a few tags I thought I’d do my 20 things about myself! So here goes…

One– WHERE TO BEGIN? I’m a trained hairdresser, I cut my days at school to focus on learning more about hairdressing. I adore doing hair. All my friends get free haircuts too.
Two– my favourite flowers are peonies. But I also love orchids. I went to an art exhibition on orchids being compared to vaginas which was.. Interesting?
Three– I’m addicted to crap telly. Teen mum, made in Chelsea, TOWIE. The list is endless.
Four– I have an allergy to cosmetics and mosquitos. I can only wear and use hypoallergenic products. People still buy me products I’m allergic too and it makes me really angry.
Five– My vision is horrendous. I wear contact lenses. But my sisters blind in one eye, has no depth perception and is long sighted in her “good eye” so I got off lightly.

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Six– I once streaked in the snow. I used to be fun, cool, outgoing. Now most nights I’m in bed by 9pm.
Seven– I’m crazy over murder and crime documentaries. The gorier the better. I’m pretty certain I’ve plotted Paddys murder down to the minor details. Every time he leaves dirty pants around I add more sinister stuff (I’m joking Pat, I love ya).
Eight– I’ve had 4 tattoos done. My first a ying yang in a flower on my arm, I got it because it was pretty, no meaning. I have Delilahs name on my other arm. The woman who did it was a rude bitch and I will get it re done because of the bad job she did. I then got Paddys name tattooed on my leg, went on a break so I got it tattooed over with a huge deer in a mirror and roses, A really good tattoo artist did it and I’m so glad he did it. A girl in Germany loved it so much she copied it. It was a really bad copy and makes me so angry.

Nine– whilst I was pregnant with both kids I had severe nightmares. They were sooooo bad and I even got sleep paralysis.
Ten– I’ve been a bridesmaid three times. And for my own wedding I will have 5 and 2 flower girls.
Eleven– Both children have name sakes to one of my friends. Delilahs full name is Delilah-Eleanor after my friend Ellie. Indiana after Indiana Jones, Jones being her last name.


Twelve– I’ve been to loads of parts of the world including Miami and Thailand. My dream holiday would be either Las Vegas or India to see the Holi festival.
Thirteen– BUT I am afraid of flying due to horrendous turbulence when hitting a storm on the way to a family holiday.
Forteen– I’m far better at DIY than Paddy, all furniture is put together by me, picture frames put up? Me, fixing things? Me. When we first moved in he tried to put a stall together and cut his hand open.
Fifteen– I’ve had 9 piercings in total. I only wear 3 now though.

Sixteen– My biological dad has been married six times and not to my mum. I also have three half sister and a half brother.

Seventeen– I have one foot bigger than the other.
Eighteen– My drinks of choice are gin and tonic, prosecco or Malibu and coke. Depending on how I’m feeling.

Nineteen– My takeaway of choice is fish and chips.
Twenty– My all time favourite movie is Pretty Woman. Whenever I was off school poorly Nan and I would watch it.

Aaaaaand there you go!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

NOT EDITED BY ELLIE BECAUSE SHE’S ON HOLIDAY THE LUCKY COW

I HAVE to lose my Mum Gunt

I HAVE to lose my Mum Gunt

If there’s one thing I can take pride in it’s my sense of nutrition and what amount of treats is right. I love cooking for my family especially baking! But with the business of raising two under two I’ve been eating to much and consuming WAY too much coffee.

So I got in contact with my friend Shannon. (Who FYI, is body goals!) She lost 4 stone in 4 months so after crying with jealousy I asked for her help. She used a juice diet to help her shed the pounds and tone up. Normally I would be dead against things like that and wouldn’t buy into a fad diet but I was so desperate to loose my added mum pouch and HUGE ass. (Although Pat didn’t complain about the latter.)

I’m a month in and I have lost a stone. I have two shakes (which are surprisingly yummy btw), 2 snacks and a healthy meal. I also (try to) drink 3 litres of water a day. Depending on whether my mum bladder allows it. If you’re pregnant and/or you’ve given birth, you know what I’m talking about. I’ve not consumed any caffeine which is helping me and stopped head aches. This is of course very handy when two babies are screaming in unison!

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Day one I was sceptical but open to trying new things. I need to lose weight badly. The shakes actually tasted good, I was invited to an online support group with recipes, help, guidance. I had Shannon on call to ask her for anything I would need and I was seeing results. HALLELUJAH!

I also found that I hadn’t been struggling to look after the kids, I felt better being hydrated, no headaches means tantrums are more manageable and a big one for me was definitely the feeling of actually having a bit of energy! When you feel good, your kids feel good. I’m not doing this as a revenge body or to prove a point but I’m doing this for me. I feel amazing and like I could conquer anything. Indy’s thrown up on my new rug? No big deal. Delilah screamed “PEPPA!!” into my ear continuously until an iPad was put into her hands? Pfff. Easy. With more of these shakes perhaps topped with a little gin I’m half-convinced I could do a standing backflip in my kitchen.

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BODY GOALS

I’m continuing the program for the rest of the three months with the hopes of losing two and a half more stone. I’ve started visiting the gym frequently, going jogging and doing spinning classes! For those that know me pretty well this is a whole new side of me. (Quick note: A close friend of mine thought a spin class was actually an exercise to do with spinning. She was disappointed to learn it’s all about stationary bikes and being yelled at by your trainer.) But with the focus on my weight, Delilah turning 2 (don’t even GO THERE) and trying to organise a big move I have neglected my blog a bit (sorry readers!!) but I’m back on the ball now.

Bring on the new backflipping me!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing needs.