20 things about me

20 things about me

After a few tags I thought I’d do my 20 things about myself! So here goes…

One– WHERE TO BEGIN? I’m a trained hairdresser, I cut my days at school to focus on learning more about hairdressing. I adore doing hair. All my friends get free haircuts too.
Two– my favourite flowers are peonies. But I also love orchids. I went to an art exhibition on orchids being compared to vaginas which was.. Interesting?
Three– I’m addicted to crap telly. Teen mum, made in Chelsea, TOWIE. The list is endless.
Four– I have an allergy to cosmetics and mosquitos. I can only wear and use hypoallergenic products. People still buy me products I’m allergic too and it makes me really angry.
Five– My vision is horrendous. I wear contact lenses. But my sisters blind in one eye, has no depth perception and is long sighted in her “good eye” so I got off lightly.

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Six– I once streaked in the snow. I used to be fun, cool, outgoing. Now most nights I’m in bed by 9pm.
Seven– I’m crazy over murder and crime documentaries. The gorier the better. I’m pretty certain I’ve plotted Paddys murder down to the minor details. Every time he leaves dirty pants around I add more sinister stuff (I’m joking Pat, I love ya).
Eight– I’ve had 4 tattoos done. My first a ying yang in a flower on my arm, I got it because it was pretty, no meaning. I have Delilahs name on my other arm. The woman who did it was a rude bitch and I will get it re done because of the bad job she did. I then got Paddys name tattooed on my leg, went on a break so I got it tattooed over with a huge deer in a mirror and roses, A really good tattoo artist did it and I’m so glad he did it. A girl in Germany loved it so much she copied it. It was a really bad copy and makes me so angry.

Nine– whilst I was pregnant with both kids I had severe nightmares. They were sooooo bad and I even got sleep paralysis.
Ten– I’ve been a bridesmaid three times. And for my own wedding I will have 5 and 2 flower girls.
Eleven– Both children have name sakes to one of my friends. Delilahs full name is Delilah-Eleanor after my friend Ellie. Indiana after Indiana Jones, Jones being her last name.


Twelve– I’ve been to loads of parts of the world including Miami and Thailand. My dream holiday would be either Las Vegas or India to see the Holi festival.
Thirteen– BUT I am afraid of flying due to horrendous turbulence when hitting a storm on the way to a family holiday.
Forteen– I’m far better at DIY than Paddy, all furniture is put together by me, picture frames put up? Me, fixing things? Me. When we first moved in he tried to put a stall together and cut his hand open.
Fifteen– I’ve had 9 piercings in total. I only wear 3 now though.

Sixteen– My biological dad has been married six times and not to my mum. I also have three half sister and a half brother.

Seventeen– I have one foot bigger than the other.
Eighteen– My drinks of choice are gin and tonic, prosecco or Malibu and coke. Depending on how I’m feeling.

Nineteen– My takeaway of choice is fish and chips.
Twenty– My all time favourite movie is Pretty Woman. Whenever I was off school poorly Nan and I would watch it.

Aaaaaand there you go!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

NOT EDITED BY ELLIE BECAUSE SHE’S ON HOLIDAY THE LUCKY COW

I HAVE to lose my Mum Gunt

I HAVE to lose my Mum Gunt

If there’s one thing I can take pride in it’s my sense of nutrition and what amount of treats is right. I love cooking for my family especially baking! But with the business of raising two under two I’ve been eating to much and consuming WAY too much coffee.

So I got in contact with my friend Shannon. (Who FYI, is body goals!) She lost 4 stone in 4 months so after crying with jealousy I asked for her help. She used a juice diet to help her shed the pounds and tone up. Normally I would be dead against things like that and wouldn’t buy into a fad diet but I was so desperate to loose my added mum pouch and HUGE ass. (Although Pat didn’t complain about the latter.)

I’m a month in and I have lost a stone. I have two shakes (which are surprisingly yummy btw), 2 snacks and a healthy meal. I also (try to) drink 3 litres of water a day. Depending on whether my mum bladder allows it. If you’re pregnant and/or you’ve given birth, you know what I’m talking about. I’ve not consumed any caffeine which is helping me and stopped head aches. This is of course very handy when two babies are screaming in unison!

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Day one I was sceptical but open to trying new things. I need to lose weight badly. The shakes actually tasted good, I was invited to an online support group with recipes, help, guidance. I had Shannon on call to ask her for anything I would need and I was seeing results. HALLELUJAH!

I also found that I hadn’t been struggling to look after the kids, I felt better being hydrated, no headaches means tantrums are more manageable and a big one for me was definitely the feeling of actually having a bit of energy! When you feel good, your kids feel good. I’m not doing this as a revenge body or to prove a point but I’m doing this for me. I feel amazing and like I could conquer anything. Indy’s thrown up on my new rug? No big deal. Delilah screamed “PEPPA!!” into my ear continuously until an iPad was put into her hands? Pfff. Easy. With more of these shakes perhaps topped with a little gin I’m half-convinced I could do a standing backflip in my kitchen.

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BODY GOALS

I’m continuing the program for the rest of the three months with the hopes of losing two and a half more stone. I’ve started visiting the gym frequently, going jogging and doing spinning classes! For those that know me pretty well this is a whole new side of me. (Quick note: A close friend of mine thought a spin class was actually an exercise to do with spinning. She was disappointed to learn it’s all about stationary bikes and being yelled at by your trainer.) But with the focus on my weight, Delilah turning 2 (don’t even GO THERE) and trying to organise a big move I have neglected my blog a bit (sorry readers!!) but I’m back on the ball now.

Bring on the new backflipping me!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing needs.

WHAT’S IN MY BAG

WHAT’S IN MY BAG

Being a mum of two under two involves a hell of a lot of lugging around. Who knew such tiny humans needed such a lot of well…STUFF. So I have delved into my nappy bag to show you what I carry!

I scrolled through tonnes of shops online and couldn’t find one I really loved at an affordable price but I did find this gym bag in Primark which I doubled up as a nappy bag. It also matches my black and soft pink Bugaboo Donkey perfectly! Plus it was only £12 (!!!)

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  1. Water wipes- Pre Delilah I would wear lovely sparkly stuff and not have a care in the world what was in my products until whilst pregnant I got a cosmetic allergy and now can only use hypoallergenic products (as only can Delilah). I never knew how much crap was in baby and make up wipes so I was lucky to discover Water Wipes. They are genius! Always carried for bums, messy faces and sticky fingers!
  2. Nappies- in each size, pretty self explanatory there.bag3
  3. Water bottle- I am currently dieting (and trying very hard to do so as well) so I need to drink 3 liters per day. It’s also exhausting and thirsty work trying to tame little ones and as I’m prone to fainting (swooning if Tom Hardy is reading the bedtime story) and have been anaemic is pretty important for me to stay hydrated.
  4. Juice cup- or “JUICEEE!” as Delilah more commonly yells. She only drinks water and on the odd occasion drinks a fruit juice if we are out but they can be pricey if you’re buying one every time you go out so I always carry one for her. She uses a no spill cup from MAM.
  5. Note pads- Trying to remember absolutely everything is impossible! I jot down blog post inspo, things we need (normally milk) and all them bits and bobs that I can’t remember because sleepless nights are killing my brain. I also adore stationary so there is always a notepad in my shopping basket. I like to pretend I’m organised!
  6. Toys and books- aka distraction and occupiers whilst I do things, shop etc,.
  7. Blanket- for nap time snuggles, Indie’s fave is a lovely woollen GAP blanket.
  8. iPad- for when Delilah has a FULL SCALE meltdown that will only be calmed down by Ben elf, Holly and that fucking rude little lady bird (if you know, you know). I used to look down my nose at parents that shoved electronics in front of their kids whilst they did things. I have come to learn that it isn’t selfish or mind numbing for children, sometimes a little down time is needed and it is perfectly acceptable for parents to want some bloody peace every now and again.bag2
  9. The ‘me pouch’- the little bag of essentials to keep me tip top during the day (deodrant, spray, hair bands, lippy, medication, tampons) I keep mine in a mere soeur bag, you can grab your’s on this link> https://meresoeur.com/products/girl-gang-pouch
  10. EMERGENCY CRY STOPPERS- Delilah doesn’t have a dummy during the day anymore and Indie vary rarely has one either but I take one JUST IN CASE.
  11. Purse- to pay for shit obvs. I used to carry a big mulberry that took up so much room. I have reluctantly opted for a coin purse to wedge my cash, card and boots card in.
  12. Snacks- Always carry some nibbles for if they are flagging a little. I prepare fresh snacks at home but when I’m on the go we go for Kiddylicious or Goodies!
  13. Sunglasses- because the sun glare coming off my phone when we are at the park is near on blinding.

What nappy bag do you have and what do you take out with you? Let me know so we can cry over never having any room for anything anymore and carrying a bag the size of a small house around. (At least our upper arm muscles are ripped)

 

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing

 

 

 

 

TEEN MUMS ARE GOOD MUMS TOO

TEEN MUMS ARE GOOD MUMS TOO

When I was 18 I was a typical teenager. I was approaching my twenties with not much of a plan. I was going out drinking with the girls, spending time with my boyfriend and I was still at college.

All that changed when I went into a doctors appointment to find out I was pregnant…what the FUCK was I going to do. I knew and believed that it was meant to be, so I started my journey into motherhood. Little did I know the extent of the judgement I’d get as a young mum and the tougher road I’d have to travel down than most other pregnant women. Motherhood is never easy but for myself I found teen motherhood carries a stigma and it can be isolating. Mums between the ages of 16-24 have three times the rate of postnatal depression verses older mums!

Nothing in the media shows a positive light on young mums. It’s portrayed that we get keys to a free house and a massive benefit monthly payout in our Emma Diary going home packs which is simply not the case (nor do we all wear velvet tracksuits or wear air maxes but if you do that is totally cool as well). We need help/support/love too. We are all equals, we all struggle on no sleep, we too hate it when our child refuses meals and no matter what our age is we love our children.

So I took to social media and found a few fellow young mums to find out how they found pregnancy and motherhood!

Meet the mums:

Hayley, 21 with Matilda aged 10 months from Essex

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Hannah, 20 with Taylor aged 4 and Charlie 1 from Northampton

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Grace,19 with Freya-Louise aged 1 from Kent (but begrudgingly living in Manchester)

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Polly, 19 with Elsie aged 1 (18 months going on 18 years Polly says) from Birmingham

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Beth, 19 with Albie aged almost 2 from Kent. Her son will be marrying my Delilah, its been planned since the womb.

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Sydnee, 20 with Freddie aged 3 months from Kent

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Emily, 17 with Riley age 10 weeks (eckk teeny!) from Ipswich

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I think my first words when I found out I was pregnant was “ohhhhh shit! My mums going to kill me”. How did you feel finding out you were pregnant?

Hayley: “My first word when I found out that I was pregnant was “HOW?!?!” I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15 and told pretty bluntly that I would either struggle or not be able to conceive. So yeah sitting in my work loos doing my usual routine pregnancy test that I’d done hundreds of times before… waiting for the “not pregnant” sign and there it was …. “Pregnant” … “ HOW?!?!” I was in a new relationship, things were a little rocky and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be doing it alone or doing it as a couple. I knew I wasn’t getting rid of the baby because I don’t agree with abortion (unless in extreme circumstances etc.) and this could be my only chance at bringing a baby into this world. I was a mature 20-year-old at the time so thought I could manage whatever the outcome.”

Polly: “When I first found out I was pregnant my first thoughts were “Right ok, f**k! What shall I do? Am I ready for this? What will my Mum say? I know what she will say! She’s going to kill me!” A lot of questions that could only be answered by telling everyone. However this wasn’t the case, I ignored the fact I was pregnant for 16 weeks until it became obvious and I had to tell people!”

Grace: “We were actually trying for a baby when we fell pregnant with Freya (sounds mental at 18 and 21, I know) but once I’d found out there was actually a teeny tiny human inside of me I started SHITTING MYSELF. I started doubting whether it was something I actually wanted and whether I was even capable of being someone’s mum. I could barely keep my flat clean at that point let alone be solely responsible for someone’s life.”

Sydnee: “So this is something I don’t make overly public, however when I found out I was pregnant I think every emotion runs through your head, scared, worried, happy, emotional. This for me wasn’t my first pregnancy on November 28th 2015 I found out I was pregnant, me and my partner was going through a rough stage and I ended up miscarrying on 5th January 2016. However sad I felt I knew everything happened for a reason and it wasn’t meant to be.. then in March 2016 I found out at about 4/5 week I was expecting again.. and I was even more nervous and worried after a previous miscarriage.”

As a fellow teen mum, it was scary finding out I was 18 and pregnant but more so that I had to tell my mum and dad. How did you tell your parents?

Grace: “I don’t have a relationship with my dad so that problem didn’t exist for me but I was so worried about telling my mum. I knew she was also in the process of trying for a baby (we actually ended up having babies 3 months apart!) and I didn’t want to upset her with the news that we were expecting a baby when she wasn’t, so I sent her a Facebook message. Awful, I know. But it was a safe way for me to just send the message and then leave my phone to one side until I was ready to look at her reply.”

Hannah: “I texted my mum that I was pregnant then stayed at my boyfriend’s house that night so I didn’t have to face her, completely chickened out and gave her time to calm down and tell my dad. With Charlie my boyfriend actually told her because I was too scared, I’m the worst at confrontation!”

Emily: “Me and my mum went to a cafe where I told her I was pregnant. She knew something was up because I had been telling her I didn’t feel well for the few days before that. Once I knew I was pregnant I texted her saying ‘I know what’s wrong’ and that’s when she decided to take me out and I told her. I told my dad on the way to my dentist appointment. Not the best idea when he was driving! They were both very shocked but extremely supportive.”

Did you have any mad cravings? 

Hayley: “I kept saying to people that I didn’t crave anything, I just had a little pig out every so often when the hunger pangs kicked in! I love pickled onions so I used my pregnancy as a massive excuse to eat like 5 at a time! But then the acid reflux would turn up and I was taking Rennies like sweets! I had never suffered with indigestion or acid reflux before but for about 7 months of my pregnancy I had it bad!”

Beth: “I didn’t have any crazy mad cravings as such but I definitely developed a serious addiction to subway! 6 days a week minimum I’d have a subway. I couldn’t stand it before I was pregnant and I can’t stand it now.”

Grace: “I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, AKA Kate Middleton Sickness, the whole way through my pregnancy so I didn’t have many cravings because I couldn’t keep anything down. I actually remember being in hospital waiting to be induced and STILL being sick, but the times I did manage to keep food down I was absolutely obsessed with plastic cheese. I was the Cheese String queen. I rarely left the house without one.”

I found most of the pregnancy clothes were hideous! I struggled to find something I actually liked! Where did you shop for your maternity clothes? 

Sydnee: “I was pregnancy all through summer so I LIVED in leggings, black vest top and a light cardigan over the top, I hated how much they charge for maternity clothes so avoided buying anything… apart from 2 vest tops right at the end from New Look, which is pretty reasonable and actually decent, not boring old people clothes.”

Grace: “Being a plus size mum I didn’t actually have this problem and because of my HG I actually lost a lot of weight during my pregnancy (I was lighter at full term than I was at my first midwife appointment) so I managed to stay in my normal clothes right up until I delivered. The only thing that changed was I had to stop wearing my jeans at 38 weeks and make the swap over to leggings.”

Hardest experience being a mum or any struggles? 

Sydnee: “Breastfeeding- I regret giving up so quickly because of how little I knew, luckily I didn’t suffer with sore boobs or bleeding nipples however had a baby that wanted feeding 24/7! I didn’t realise this was normal for a newborn and I also couldn’t get to grips with feeding in public.”

Polly: “I must admit my hardest struggle of being a mum is honestly meal times now my daughter is older. One day she likes peas, the next day her bowl is tipped all on my floor without her having one bite. Some days I feel like screaming as I’m on my knees picking up food all day but hey ho, we signed up for this shit!”

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Favourite part of being a mum? 

Beth: “Albert has his adorable moments where he wants cuddles and plants a thousand kisses all over my face. He’s such a loving child and when I’m struggling it lifts me out of any mood I’m in instantly. I truly feel so blessed to have him.”

Hayley: “Giving Matilda her night time bottle as she stares into my eyes.”

Emily: “Seeing my son happy, smiley and laughing. And when he wants a cuddle, it’s the best feeling. As scary at is having such a responsibility at this age, it’s also an amazing feeling.”

I hated going to baby groups after a few nasty experiences with bitchy judgemental older mum. Did you have any similar problems or any other judgement?

Beth: “Baby groups do not appeal to me because of the stigma around younger mums. I have crazy bad anxiety and the thought of judgemental mothers commenting on my parenting skills scares the living shit out of me to be quite frank!”

Grace: “I was a real chicken in Freya’s first year of life when it came to baby groups. I think we maybe went to two sessions and then never went again because I felt like we didn’t fit in. I was too old for a teenage mum group and not old enough to fit in with mums at baby group, so I just sort of floated about for 12 months. However, now that she’s older and starting to benefit from social interaction with other babies, we go to a music group once a week and so far (touch wood) we haven’t had any dodgy looks or comments.”

Polly: “Honestly I did feel very criticised about becoming a Mum at 17. However not so much by people older than me, more people my age! They would judge and I could feel them all saying stuff about me round sixth form as they all found out. It was horrible, I even left and didn’t complete my exams! Obviously you get the odd look off an OAP like how old are you, but honestly I don’t even notice them anymore. More time now everyone compliments my daughter on how smiley and happy she is and it’s the best feeling in the world.”

Sydnee: “I have only recently started taking Freddie to baby groups but am finding there are a lot of young mums at the groups! Which I find amazing to talk to them and share stories and experiences. But when I was pregnant going to antenatal EVERYONE was over 28… my partner had to work so I had to go on my own but everyone else had there partners there. I felt like they looked at me like shit.”

There’s such a stigma with young mums. Was there ever a time you felt victimised for your age by other mums, health care professions etc? 

Hayley: “I’ve never really felt victimised. Often felt “oh maybe that mum that’s got it all together over there and can do my job better!” I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve never had much of a chance to socialise with other mums. I’m sure that people will have their opinions though!”

Sydnee: “The only time I’ve ever felt victimised is when Freddie had to go back into hospital about 5 days after he was born because he had jaundice. He had to be put under special lights… and the nurse was sooo horrible! Telling me how to feed, wind and clean my baby!!!! Which annoyed me so much because I knew I was doing fine!”

Grace: “I was actually incredibly lucky with my health care professionals and I never felt less than the other mums because of my age. I know it’s not like that for everyone though, and that sucks!”

Hannah: “A few times I felt victimised for my age actually, when I was pregnant with Taylor mainly. I remember getting on the bus and asking for a child ticket because I was still 15, I think I was about 22 weeks pregnant, the bus driver looked at my stomach and called me disgusting. I cried my eyes out because I couldn’t believe that someone could be so rude to my face. Again when I met my health visitor for the first time, she asked me what I wanted to do with my life and I said I didn’t know, she then proceeded to call me a ‘typical young mum’.”

Emily: “Yes. The other week I was sitting on the bus, with my son in the buggy. There were no seats near the wheelchair compartment, so I stood with the buggy. Opposite me was an older women and a man. The women started to speak about me (in a rather loud voice) which I overheard. She said ‘she can’t be a mum, look at her she’s too young. That’s so unfortunate. She’s going to have to look after him for the rest of her life’ which I found to be disgusting and it actually made me very emotional. My thoughts were ‘yes I may be young, but this does not make me any less of a good mum than what a middle aged mum is'”

Where’s your favourite place to shop for baby clothes? 

Hannah: “For baby clothes my favourite places are definitely Next, River Island and H&M when it comes to the high street but I also love the online brands that you find on Instagram! Found some lovely pieces for the boys wardrobes and they’re very unique.”

Polly: “I’m a sucker for Next clothes for Elsie!”

Beth: “I love the cheaper baby clothes! Let’s be honest they grow out of them so quickly what’s the point in forking out money for clothes that get stained and grown out of so easily! Give me all the Primark, H&M, Tesco clothing you want. Girl, I live for that!”

All mums deserve a night off from time to time. What’s your ideal night with the girls? 

Hayley: “Agreed! I need to take these nights off more I think. My ideal night with the girls is nice local dinner, drinks at the cocktail bar and then maybe onto somewhere else for a boogie! I feel like I haven’t danced the night away for a very long time!”

Hannah: “On a night off (if I don’t fall asleep before I get out the door) I like dinner then drinks with the girls, I do still like clubbing but I think social anxiety kind of gets in the way of that. I go home if someone asks me ‘where are the boys tonight’ because it makes me feel like a bad parent. Although it shouldn’t because we all deserve to go out and let our hair down, I just feel really judged for still going out.”

Beth: “I totally agree, I make sure I have a night out with the girls or with my fella often because it reduces my stress levels and lets me get my hair down and relax. I enjoy going for a drink at my local pub with my good friends, sometimes going into town but not so much anymore because I can’t stand the general public.”

Did you suffer from PND or any other aftercare problems? 

Hayley: “I’ve suffered in the past with depression. So when I got pregnant I knew about the baby blues and my doctor warned me that if I was feeling low at any point then to go and see someone to talk about it. After having Matilda, like any mum, I feel extremely overwhelmed. Excitement, love, tiredness, resentment towards people that could sleep or snap back into shape ASAP. It’s a full cocktail of emotions post-pregnancy. I did feel low quite often but I really tried to ignore it and think of all the positives. Looking back I wish I spoke to someone about it all. And 10 months on I still feel low every so often. I feel guilt going to work and leaving my baby when I know that I have to work to be able to live in our house and buy food/nappies/ clothes etc. I’m always going to feel that way.”

Sydnee: “I never had any ‘baby blues’ I think because I had so much going on after he was born I almost didn’t get chance… I have been lucky enough not to suffer with any PND but do have the odd day when I get upset and I tend to take that out on my partner A LOT!”

Lastly what advice would you give other mums? 

Emily: “The advise I would give to other mums is don’t listen to what others say. I’ve had a hard time realising this but now, I think to myself ‘My son loves me for me. Whether I’m 17 or 34, to him I am his everything’. So when someone else judges you, don’t think negatively of the situation, be proud.”

Beth: “Take each day as it comes, honestly. Motherhood isn’t a competition. If you’ve succeeded in feeding, changing and making sure your child has all its needs met then you’re doing a fabulous job. It’s okay to admit you’re struggling and never feel like you’re alone. We’re all in it together girls.”

Grace: “Don’t listen to other people’s advice/unwanted opinions. Just go with your gut. No one knows your child better than you do, and natural instinct will kick in. I promise. And also don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I made this mistake, and ended up being burnt out with a shit tip of a house struggling to make sense of my own thoughts. Ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re a rubbish mum.”

***I am incredibly grateful to the response I got from fellow mums and the girls who answered all my questions. Whatever your age, whether you are 15 or 50 everyone is doing their best and I would much prefer to stand shoulder to shoulder with other mums and support each other than judge!***

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing

Postnatal depression doesn’t make me a bad mum nor does it any other mum

Postnatal depression doesn’t make me a bad mum nor does it any other mum

When I was a child I used to bottle things up and until I would explode. On the outside it looked as if I was a live wire. When in reality I was harbouring every dark thought, every sad thing I had to deal with, and pretty much every other emotion I didn’t want to share with anyone. I was going through extra stress and pain that none of my friends had, I didn’t think anyone would understand. It wasn’t until I started speaking to a councilor weekly my mind began to ease, and I wasn’t so afraid to speak out anymore. So I now know it’s okay to speak out about your problems, you think you’re suffering alone when in fact you are surrounded by plenty of others feeling the same as you.

Motherhood didn’t come as easily as I had expected (why isn’t there a manual?!). It wasn’t rosy and a fairy tale who other mums at babies groups portrayed it with their little married lives, their fancy mortgages and conservatory extensions they had planned. Why didn’t they want to moan about how crappy teething at 3am is?!

My mind spiraled out of control and I was biting Paddy’s head off about the teeniest, most trivial things. We were on the brink of a break up and I didn’t know how to stop myself before things could get worse.

I used to wake up in a panic checking Delilah was still breathing. Not once a night but hourly. It was heart breaking to feel like I wasn’t Sophie anymore. I was a shell.

One sad day, Polly called and I cried and cried and cried. I told her I didn’t want to hold my baby or look at them anymore.

It wasn’t normal to feel this way and it wasn’t just a bit of ‘Baby blues’, a term I have grown to loathe by the way, it was the feeling like my children shouldn’t have me as a mum, a sad thought that struck so deep that I knew it needed dealing with as soon as possible.

It took a lot to pluck up the courage to go seek help and without Paddy, my friends and my family I’d have never come to terms with it but now I know I can talk to people, take my medication and be a happy mum. You may not be able to start the day until you’ve had a coffee or speak to anyone until you’ve had a shower. Me? I have to take an antidepressant and then I’m me. It’s not a forever thing nor is it me romancing things like it’s some kind of new trend. It’s not a shiny Bugaboo Pram in a Gurgle magazine. It’s normalising a mental health condition.

“I love being a mum, I’m good at motherhood and my children adore me.”

Every mum should say this when looking in the mirror. Granted some days are tough and you wish you could hoover up the lego when a tiny piece impales your foot or hide in the cupboard under the stairs to have a cry/drink your tea before it goes cold/scroll through Instagram. But even then when you check your babies sleeping you know every tantrum, projectile vomit, Poo leaked nappy is worth it.

There’s absolutely nothing embarrassing or silly about admitting you have PND, it’s so important to get help and seek your GP for advice or www.samaritans.org or even message me, I know how crappy things can get.

Big hugs

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing

Things they should tell you in antenatal class

Things they should tell you in antenatal class

DISCLAIMER- Contains gory female detail, PLEASE STOP READING IF SQUEAMISH

Walking into first time parenthood can be compared to walking round the SAW maze at Thorpe Park- and I do mean there will be a tiny child-thing staring at you whilst you sleep. I’m not joking. (Do try to prepare for this because they do tend to get upset when you scream) There was so many things they didn’t tell us about in sex ed, they were all keen to tell you about the sleepless nights but failed to mention some key things. I thought I was only one who didn’t know these things but apparently not many of my girlfriends knew either.

  • The after bleeding- After the trauma or childbirth you are then greeted with the almighty pain of 6 weeks bleeding and I do not mean just a light period, it’s a full on body weight loss of blood. The kind where if you sneeze in the bath you have to run a new one. After I had given birth I went into the wet room where I tried to help my vagina heal from shoving my childs body out and the shower area looked like a scene from American Physco (great film). Pat came into check if I was okay and he got a midwife because he thought something dreadful was happening.
  • The after birth- Awwww so you’ve just given birth so it’s all over right? WRONG. You have to give birth again to your placenta. Lucky it’s all over with a push though. Do not mistake this for a smaller more alien-looking baby, no matter how many drugs the lovely hospital blessed you with.
  • Stitches- By the point where you’ve given birth you’ve absolutely lost all your dignity but you couldn’t care less because you have a gorgeous little baby. However after they examine you over to check if your sweet little darling has ripped your poor vagina in half they sew you up.
  • Reflux- Yes, I obviously had assumed the baby would be sick occasionally but my god I didn’t prepare for projectile vomitting and the agony that is reflux. It’s where they bring back their milk after every feed because their tummy and feeding pipe can’t handle food.
  • The ‘third day’- If you were to tell your mums or nans that you were suffering badly when the babies third day comes about (of being alive) they would give you a sympathetic smile and go and make you a hot drink served with a box of tissues. When the baby is three days old your milk comes into your tits properly which also comes with a bag load of hormones (picture the worst period of your life). When Delilah was three days old I spent the day in my PJs watching box sets and sent Pat off into town for a breast pump, KFC meal and a toy Olaf. I was much more prepared for it with Indy!
  • A push present- Ladies get the fuck on board with this. Your baby is the best gift ever but surely you should get a little treat for not drinking, not sleeping, puking at every smell and pushing a whole baby out?! Yes you should! It’s a bit of a new trend with celebrities but you can bet any money on the fact that I jumped onto this in both pregnancies.
  • Hair loss- “Oh my hair got so lovely and thick during my pregnancy” DID IT HUN DO TELL ME MORE. I lost a ton and it is perfectly normal apparently. My hair still hasn’t recovered from it.
  • The ‘glow’- not glow more like a sweat. I carried Indy through a heatwave and I was walking glowstick/water feature but not water just sweat. (Where are all these glowing women? I want to meet them and ask what moisturiser they use because it absolutely beats me where this baby induced summer tan is coming from.)
  • The inability to find any nice maternity clothes- I’m not joking it was such a struggle to find anything nice to wear unless you like to look like a 40 year teacher assistant who still dresses like they’re in the nineties. Luckily I found a few nice bits from ASOS and my friend’s mum lent me some clothes. I did have to wash things a lot because I didn’t have many options which costs a LOT more than you think in detergent. Plus the minute I did find some nice maternity wear the designers seem to think you have the tiniest bump in existence (I’m talking hamster ball-size here) and they also think after all the prams, clothes, nappies and everything else you have to buy you are TOTALLY loaded enough to fork out hundreds. No thank you. I’ll stick to size 20 (sob) jumpers from Primark.

I would hate for anyone to think that I find motherhood a chore because I absolutely love being a mum. I do however dislike being pregnant, I had a lot of complications and I found it very rubbish to be honest. A lot of people find that opinion unpopular but it is high time somebody said it. It is completely worth it, but I think it’s time women were able to stand up and say “I hated being pregnant” without some kind of backlash. I’m not ungrateful either because at a young age I was told i’d struggle to have children and a lot of people (some very close to me) aren’t able to have them. I love Delilah and Indy with every bit of my heart but I also know its ok to say that apart from feeling them kick and growing them I didn’t enjoy pregnancy one little bit. Happily would go through it again to have them though!

Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x

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Editor- Eleanor Jones. Contact us if you require edits on any writing

 

New year, same old me…

New year, same old me…

I had one of the best Christmases ever! I loved every minute, got spoilt rotten, spent time with friends, ate my body weight in yummy food and drank vast amounts of prosecco. The kids had a wonderful time, Delilah loves opening presents and Father Christmas treated her to lots and lots of lovely things. We are one happy family!
Tis the season for “new year, new me” statuses. BRACE YA’SELVES! That time between Christmas and New Years is an odd one. You’re trying to find a place for all the new toys, write the thank you cards and de-Christmas the house. I thought it was time to think about my New Years resolutions! A few things aside we have had a fucking horrid year so it’s made me more driven to improve 2017.

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DRINK MORE WATER
As a very tired mum of two I constantly drink coffee and Diet Coke to keep me going and I’ve had tons of headaches so I know I really should stay hydrated! The coffee only goes cold anyway and I’m just feeling soooooo sluggish I need to stay potisitive and be proactive!

LOOK AFTER ME
Another thing I know as a mum is that I really do put myself last and rightly so! I’m not arguing because the babies are my world but I’ve been feeling so down about myself, a little manicure and a few foils does make you feel on top of the world! Plus this Christmas I grew another chin and I have a mum tum to shift. I love cooking obviously so more healthy and organic meals will be cooked this year. Recently I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m suffering from PND and not just a spell of baby blues, I now take medication to treat it which level me to make me feel a little more like me. It’s something that I find a bit embarrassing but I want to be the best mum, girlfriend and Sophie I can be so I’m working on myself.

PLAN FOR WHAT IFS
I know it’s a bit daunting but after losing some very dear people to me this year (some younger than me!!) I realised that me and Paddy need to put in place a just in case plan in case something was to happen to Paddy and I that the children would be fed, watered and looked after by someone we trusted.

FUSS LESS OVER SILLY THINGS AND SILLY PEOPLE
My house is no way shape or form something you’d see on Pinterest but I do think I am house proud and have a place for everything. It’s silly to worry about little things and be ruled by mess and untidiness. Time is much better spent enjoying life! I can be a teeny bit uptight (cue scoff from boyfriend) so I will be less stressed. Equally the people who don’t make an effort with our family SNIP SNIP bitch you’re getting cut off. I’m not wasting any more time or effort on people who don’t do the same for us. It’s time to focus on the people who matter.

PLAN THE WEDDING
We’ve had a look at a few places and thought about what’s right for us but it took a year and another baby before we even had a look at somewhere. So we are getting our bums in gear this year for a 2018 wedding! I have 5 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls that I’m taking with me for a dress shop. I have a few things in my head but nothing confirmed so I need an idea of what would suit us. My bridal party is nicknamed bride tribe and they are a rowdy bunch of strong minded opinionated ladies, sometimes I feel like a quiet little mouse around them and other times I’m the loud one telling what’s what! They all have their own styles so finding a happy medium will be challenging certainly but one I’m excited about properly planning.

Hope everyone has a great new year and super slut dropping drunk!
Love Sophie, Delilah and Indiana x